Hoping for Good Soil

I’ve learned that I often learn best when I have to teach others. 

I was talking with a friend recently who has a similar personality type as I do, but having the fortune of being a few years older, I feel like I get to be her test-run. 

But she asked me how I dealt with strong emotions. As I was explaining to her what I’ve dealt with in the last year and a half, I realized I presently wasn’t practicing it. In my brokeness, I tend to emotionally dump onto others. And I feign, “Woe is me.” Then I try to fill my bad feeling, off day, or rough patch with the little emotional highs I can get from a cute animal pic, or a few minutes on Pinterest. But once the lights go off, I’m left with the same gnawing feelings of emptiness or bitterness. 

On my better days, I can remember to retreat – to turn off the electronics and seek a quite space. And as I find words and the courage to talk to the Savior, it gets a little easier. The heaviness lifts. Then the peace comes.

But the soil is still rocky, set with stones as well as thorns. Occasionally it gets weeded and fertilized but it takes the grace of the gardener to do so. And I hold onto the hope that it will one day just simply be good soil. Goodbye thorns. Goodbye weeds. Goodbye rocks.

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