Hello, Tired People

This is to all my tired people out there in the struggle of life.

A few days ago, I hit a wall – I call it a wall of despair (but I’m probably just being a drama queen).

There were a lot of things on my plate with managing relationships, interceding in relationships, squeezing in time to study for a bummer exam, and balancing the other odds-and-ends I love in life. And I’ve noticed it’s a plague that is hitting people all around me. So I e-mailed my trusted intercessors back home to pray. Then as I prayed and fought to stay in God’s desire, I realized I had set myself in a vacuum environment of ceteris paribus (all things equal – or what I like to think is “if I do everything perfect”). If I do all the proper things, then ceteris paribus (all things equal), the desired result will occur.

I think I had set my heart on the idea that you never burnout if you are constantly in the presence of God,” but it occurred to me that we don’t live in perfect unity with God on this earth. I can strive for the proper fellowship with God and seek with all my might, but I forgot that the relationship won’t be perfect (although it should be progressing). So now I’ve readjusted that fact with reality of my brokenness. Fellowship with God grants me what I require – all love, all humility, all strength BUT I do not have perfect unity with God (for reasons stemming from my end of the relationship). Therefore, it’s OK that I am hitting the wall. I did not fail my “spiritual duties” by being faced with opposition. I AM HUMAN! I live in this world. We live in this world.

The reasons we each hit our wall of despair is slightly different, but (like my last post) I’ve noticed that the posture I take is more important than the knowledge of “things-to-do.” There may be no set instructions on how to break down that wall, but for me, it took the time to name the sources of anxiety, share it in community (at least one good friend who can pray, empathize, and encourage), accept the posture of weakness, and wrestle in the presence of God (abstract, but the more you do it, the more you understand).

Today, I am feeling very much restored. God’s peace transcends all understanding (Philippians 4) – and sure enough I don’t understand why I should be feeling this peace, but it’s here. So if you’re at that wall, know that there is a sista here praying that it crumbles before your feet.

On a lighter note, I realized that coffee drinks, in amounts greater than a 1/2 cup, have a laxative effect on my system. It was confirmed just before I had an exam today…whooops.


4 thoughts on “Hello, Tired People

  1. Phil says:

    great thoughts rebecca! i’m encouraged.

    I pray that you will really grow in being in the presence of God!


  2. Brittany Small says:

    These are great things you wrestle with, friend. Here is a few quotes from a book “The Normal Christian Life” that has been challenging me lately:

    “Man’s way is to try to suppress sin by seeking to overcome it; God’s way is to remove the sinner…and so we plead with the Lord to strengthen us that we may exercise more self-control. But this is altogether a fallacy; it is not Christianity. God’s means of delivering us from sin is not by making us stronger and stronger, but by making us weaker and weaker…God sets us free from the dominion of sin, not by strengthening our old (sinful) self, but by crucifying him; not by helping him to do anything buy by removing him from the scene of action…But when once you see the truth you will recognize that you are indeed powerless to do anything, but that in setting you aside altogether God has done it all. Such a discovery brings human striving and self-effort to an end.”

    Powerful words.May this be true of us. Amen.

  3. BeccaLai says:

    Mhmmm. Thanks for sharing it, girl! I’m assuming it’s part of your IV readings =P

    • Brittany Small says:

      Haha, actually no! It’s for my own pleasure. 🙂 I’m using to help me study the book of Romans in-depth since that’s the text that frames most of the author’s thoughts in this book. It’s been a very challenging read! You are welcome to read it after I’m done. 🙂

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